Wonderful World of Spam
(Readers of this might enjoy reading the Confessions of a Spammer).
Vi-Agra
From: "Ingrown K. Overweight" <[email protected]> Subject: Mso i demand an apology Hey Mso I have thhe beest neews... this montth i discoovered a place on thhe neet whhere i can geet heaps of dirty cheap vi ag ra its unreal i tell ya. ohh well ive talked enough already ive put in the link bleow. ejnoy mate this one is on me ;) http://www.plus66.com/mm/?Mso
Finally, Vi-Agra gets the recognition it deserves!!!
A Cure for Windows Viruses
Converted to Linux, for your c|n>k pleasure.----- Forwarded message from Network Security Department <[email protected]> -----Fine, Go Get Our Punishment - Catch Windows Virus.
SUBJECT: Last Network Security Upgrade<accent voice=bullwinkle>This time for sure!</accent>
Date: Thu, 13 Nov 2003 15:51:11 +0000 Microsoft CustomerWe noticed that you X11 users still buy mice.
this is the latest version of security update, the "November 2003, Cumulative Patch" update which resolves all known security vulnerabilities affecting MS Internet Explorer, MS Outlook and MS Outlook Express as well as three newly discovered vulnerabilities.
Vulnerabilities for Linux users running IE include extra memory usage for WINE or VMware, spurious attempts to run activeX widgets, and much pointing and laughter by your peers.
Vulnerabilities for Linux users seeking to run Outlook include WINE not liking the latest version much, too. Maybe you'd enjoy balsa or sylpheed. The most dangerous vulnerability is being possibly saddled with Exchange...
Newly discovered vulnerabilities include a potential for contracting the gullibility virus. That is, being gullible enough to think someone dumb enough to send executable attachments in the modern era has any IDEA what you should install on your computer.
Install now to protect your computer from these vulnerabilities, the most serious of which could allow an attacker to run code on your computer.
Take all these antihistamines! (but I'm not allergic to anything right now) You have to! Right nowwwwww! (Did you know that having too many *anti* histamines gives most people reactions resembling flu? Thus the admonitions about heavy vehicle use and so on. What if it gives you the "my bones ache and I feel queasy" edition of "flu" - then you're stuck - sick.)
Piss-Off-Curious-Newbie-So-They-Will-Never-Run-Linux-HOWTO: Install Linux right nowwwww. Don't even ask how to partition it or anything. Just do it!
Folks, if you dunno what you want, why the heck would you think somebody who can't use a normal and legitimate address for some important announcement would have any idea what's good or bad for your computer? Do you let complete strangers off the street tune your car too?
This update includes the functionality of all previously released patches.
This virus contains the hubris of all previously released worm trojan thingies, since those lunks at the antivirus companies haven't caught me yet.
Microsoft Product Support Services and Knowledge Base articles can be found on the Microsoft Technical Support web site. http://support.microsoft.com/
True, for what it's worth. Most of their entries regarding linux are chock full of FUD ranting. But also for the record, so can all of their *real* updates be found, on the site that they really control.
Think, folks. If MS really was going to bother the world with their
updates, would they:
1. flood the world with heavy spam (attachments)
2. flood the world with light spam (mention a URL for download)
3. install "Update Me" software in their latest OS releases?
Golly gosh. You think that (3) was there for a reason?
Greetings Microsoft Customers. We wish you to be happy and safe this season. Please download the security updates promptly at http://www.microsoft.com/security/
Even if you don't decide to solve it by installing something else that's less vulnerable. FreeBSD maybe, if you don't like Linux.
Thank you for using Microsoft products.
It makes my virus campaign so much easier when people leave "Administrator" group privileges on because it's such a pain to turn them off. (Win2K, WinNT. Maybe WinXP tho I wouldn't know. Never touch the XP stuff, even worse EULA than the other ones, and the "break when you upgrade your hardware too much" feature is beyond even viral programming talent. Stands for Xtremely Painful.)
Or better yet if all users have the same powers, basically to control anything on the system. (Win9x)
So all you Linux people, if you could run wine as root, then install my uber bug, I'm kinda hoping for some test sites for a distributed denial okay? thx suXXerZ!
Please do not reply to this message.
Please do not track down the sysadmin whose open relay allowed me to bother you nor help him to fix it.
It was sent from an unmonitored e-mail address
Yeah, I'll bet.
and we are unable to respond to any replies.
"we" the predatory insects of the world, in solidarity with the bugs of our fellow software products...
Any insects out there using Linux, please feel free to protest this
slight to your chitinous cousins 
---------------------------------------------- The names of the actual companies and products mentioned herein are the trademarks of their respective owners. Copyright 2003 Microsoft Corporation.
PS. Microsoft, please don't get mad enough to send a corporate squad of hitmen out to clobber this poor lowly worm writer. Respect intellectual property, we do. Yessssss my preciousssss....
Python
Je ne le crois pas.
Shut up, Ben. It could've happened to Perl too. --Mike Orr
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New Domains for New Countries
----- Forwarded message from Cherry Nolan <[email protected]> ----- From: "Cherry Nolan" <[email protected]> To: [email protected] Subject: Your .EU Domain is for sale vz s yqa Date: Sun, 14 Dec 03 18:55:44 GMT -------------- Domain Name News December 2003 -------------- New domains are being release for the European Union. The launch of eu domain names has been approved and they are expected to go live in early 2004.
New countries are being created every day! Prussian princes everywhere will want their very own .eu domain.
Protect your business name by buying your .eu domain before they are available for purchase at public registrars where anyone can buy them.
Become a wealthy Merchant Prince and the talk of the town. Spamtown, that is.
We are now accepting orders for the new .eu domains. http://www.registereu.com/?ref=gold
ref=I_am_a_sucker_sell_my_name_for_gold
See our web site for contact information. Yours faithfully, Sales Co-Ordinator EU Registry Services http://www.registereu.com/?ref=gold
Glad to meet you Sales. My warlord Procmail would like to get to know you better. He can put you in a waiting room with a complete harem from exotic places. Exotic enough to have open relays, at least.
-------------- You are receiving this email because you have purchased or manage a domain from us or one of our partners.
We have sent you this mail because we believe you or one of your penguins have sufficient conquering experience to take over one or more domains.
If you do not wish to receive offers from us in the future, you may optout at http://www.registereu.com/remove.htm
If you wish to be put on our easily_conquered_nations list, please apply at the URL above.
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klaatu barada neko-chan chew on kitty toy.
Honest Spam? Not Quite
[Jimmy] I received this spam, and thought "Oh, how refreshingly honest. It told me where my address was harvested from".
Date: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 04:24:45 -0400 From: Making Money 24/7 Subject: money for you this year!!! Hi JimmyO'Regan! Just so you know I saw your name in the newsgroup alt.fan.pratchett. So I emailed you.
Of course, it was still obviously spam. Maybe trying to go back to the traditional style of spam, where you have actual English instead of V I A G R A might fool someone, but when you're sending to addresses harvested from a newsgroup, there's always a chance someone might start a thread. Of course, anyone who might have been taken in would be undeceived by the second spam I received from this crowd:
Date: Fri, 18 Jun 2004 06:27:16 -0400 From: Jaye P Subject: hey, still trying to live day by day? Hi %Name%! Just so you know I saw your name in the newsgroup %Newsgroup%. So I emailed you. What would you do if you had extra money? A nice steady flow of income that is residual month after month? What would you do if you had a great product to promote? We show you exactly how it's all done! We invite you to join our free mailing list subscription. You will receive mailings about out products, business opportunities, ways to make your profits go through the ROOF, and so much MORE! All you have to do is send an email to [email protected] with the subject 'Please Subscribe Me'. We look forward to hearing from you soon!
This edition of "The Wonderful World of Spam" has been brought to you by: Sluggo, Heather, and Jimmy; courtesy of spammers everywhere.
